Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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