all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
