Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
