i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
