piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
