Please don't use social media to get back at me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
