They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
sex in a hospital.. check
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
