why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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