If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
