i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
