So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
