chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
