You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
