What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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