Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
