Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
