Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
