Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
