This girl is more easily done than said...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
