You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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