i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
