We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Watching her eat just hurts me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
