also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
