i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
