And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
pray to the hookup gods
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
