she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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