Everything about him screamed your future.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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