two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
