Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
