I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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