his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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