We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
