I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i love accidental penises.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
