We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
