the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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