Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
