I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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