Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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