The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
