At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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