How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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