You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
