Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
