he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
