Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
