So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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