My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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