is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
