Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
