I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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