Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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