My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
