I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
